For ten years now, strange rumors have circulated through our fair city. Hushed voices tell sinister stories of ghoulish gatherings hosted in otherwise unassuming homes. Some residents even claim to have braved the midnight madness and macabre merrymaking themselves, though none seem capable of offering more than a few scattered and murky recollections, due perhaps to the diabolical nature of the discovered delights.
As Halloween draws near, a renewed sense of foreboding has begun creeping over our quiet community. Mysterious messages from dark corners portend the awakening of slumbering spirits, called from their rest to wreak mischief and mayhem.
Well, friends, I’m afraid that these perilous predictions indeed point to what you may have already be apprehensively anticipating – that quaint and charming old Dutch Colonial on Sherman Street is once again transmogrifying into the moldering sanctum for the disembodied known as...the Haunted Moore Manor! BWAHAHAHA!! [cue ORGAN MUSIC! THUNDER CLAP! And…another THUNDER CLAP!!]
THRILL to see the wildly awesome spectacle that is the legendary Haunted Manor! ["Wow, look at all the eerie and not-entirely-chintzy Halloween decorations! These must be from some sort of spooky storage unit or something…"]
RISK a sip from the Ghost Host's cauldron, a sinister cistern filled with a concoction so diabolically devastating that may well destroy your very sobriety! ["BURP! So whass in dis, anywray?"]
DARE to don a disguise of such wicked bewitchery that even the dead will rise…uh…from their graves! [Whistles, Cat Calls]
GASP to witness the pint-sized poltergeist whose mere presence perhaps imperils the entire Manor’s frightening façade! (The Ghost Hosts will ensure he is spirited away at an early hour, however, before he gets to destroy all of it. We promise…)
UNCOVER the terrifying secret - that there may be too many guests for just...one...PUNCHBOWL!!!! [SCREAMS] (but hey, it's cool, we can always refill it...)
So make your final arrangements and dig up your death certificates - this is one swinging wake that you WON'T want to miss! As they say, ghosts and ghouls for miles around are just DYING for the good times that we throw down!
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